Self Betrayal Does Not Lead to Love

Watch where you’re going

Generally speaking, I am not nice. But, I am kind. Nice is performative and at its core is a subtle form of manipulation. You present yourself in a certain way in order to manage another person’s perception of you, whether its to convince them that you’re a better person than you actually are for your own personal gain or, if it is a matter of safety, to get them to see you as non threatening or to prevent an attack. And in the latter cases, I get it. Women, Black folks, Indigenous folks, other racialized peoples, LGBTQ folks, some poor White folks, disabled people, and more have often had to be nice to survive this long. But, now it is time to be kind. When you’re kind you show up as your full self not just so people can see you in a certain way, but also because it gives others, many of whom are also victims of the tyranny of conformity, a chance to show up in a better way even if it is a challenge at first.

It is kindness to tell someone they are being used, …