Doing INR Work (Individual Narrative Responsibility)

Commanding Power Over the Stories That Touch Your Life

You can command power over the stories that touch your life.

A True Love Story That Never Happened

In this post, I am going to introduce a process that I developed called Individual Narrative Responsibility (INR) Work (pronounced Inner). I began developing this process when I was a teenager and came to the realization that I could command how I experienced certain narratives in my life. The revelation began with radical honesty about what I was feeling about a particular incident related to my father. I was angry about him not showing up as I told myself I needed him to. But, while witnessing my anger, the question arose in my consciousness, “What is your father doing while you are sitting here being angry?” The honest answer was that I didn’t know. Then the thought arose, “If you do not know what you father is doing right now, who is being harmed by your anger?” The honest answer was that I was hurting myself. “What could you be doing other than hurting yourself with this story that you are telling yourself? The honest answer was that I could be doing a whole lot of things. “Why aren’t you doing them?” Because I wanted to hold my father responsible for the pain I was feeling was the honest answer. “But, who is actually responsible?” The honest answer was that I was responsible.

This is when I realized that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Pain is the natural and often impersonal feedback from an adverse experience. But suffering comes from the diminishing stories that we tell ourselves when trying to make meaning out of the pain. Once I understood and integrated that, I could take Individual Narrative Responsibility. In the image above, the woman is writing two stories at once—one that serves her and one that doesn’t. She gets to decide which one she will live by. So can you.

In the video below, I demonstrate a practice of recreating a story in a way that brings in positive energy from another story that historically held a weakening energy. When I created this story for my child, I didn’t initially intend to do INR. But, because of the practice, it was very accessible when I needed it. I invite you to take a listen to the story and consider the content below that breaks down the concept of INR further. If it serves you, please consider sharing it with others.

We Project What We Reflect

How often do you reflect on how much the stories you tell yourself impact your life?

Personally, I think about it everyday. Because ever since I was a child, I have always been keenly aware of narrative dynamics. Consciously or unconsciously we all perceive ourselves as characters in a narrative. And how we locate ourselves in the narratives, determines how we experience the world around us.

This is also something that I was taught in my seminary. But, in my experience, a lot of ministers don’t talk about it this way. Here’s the facts though. Essentially ministers of every kind are in the storytelling business. Or perhaps more accurately, we are in the “storyselling” business. It doesn’t matter what the religion is, all of them are built on and sustained by stories. It is that simple. And the fundamental stories that all religions run on are:

1. Who am I?

2. Where did I come from?

3. Why am I here?

4. What happens after I’m gone?

Even those who seem to be opposed to religions and even avowed secularists or atheists seek to answer these questions, because basically most humans’ brains would break if they didn’t have some kind of answer that—at least temporarily—solves the Mystery that any one of these questions could plunge us into.

Birth of a New Religion – Pastatarianism

Imagine that you were just plopped into some random house in the middle of nowhere. You have amnesia. You still have the ability to talk. So, you ask the other folks the first two questions on our list–“Who am I?” and “Where did I come from?” But it turns out that everyone else has amnesia too. None of you know who anyone is. All you know is that you all are HERE. So, then you all ask each other “Why am I here?” This is a question of meaning and is the main driver for most human behavior.

The cool thing about this question though is that it works retroactively. If you can figure out why you’re here i.e. what your purpose is, it can actually fill in the blanks of “Who am I?” and “Where did I come from?” sufficiently enough that you can actually build a life around it and keep going forward. In fact, the meaning question not only works retroactively, it also works proactively. You can redeem your past and build a future on the single answer to that question.

Now let’s say that every member of your little group of amnesiacs all discover your individual purposes. You each have a role and you build your little society around those roles. Everything is going great. So great in fact that you become certain that the collective amnesia must have been the will of a benevolent organizer that trusted you all so much and knew that, given some time, you would figure out how to work together. You all become grateful to the benevolent organizer and actually build a system around remembering to remain grateful. You can see this good thing y’all created together going on indefinitely. And then, out of nowhere, the person whose purpose it was to cook, drops dead in a big batch of pasta with red sauce.

Now suddenly it becomes important to answer that last question, “What happens after I’m gone?” Having no awareness of death prior to the pasta plop, everyone goes into a panic. Trying to make sense out of what might have happened so that it never happens again, people start working backward to figure out what the chef must’ve done to get himself turned off. Was it breathing in too much of the pasta steam? Let’s make a rule against that. Was the meat to marinara ratio off? Better make sure to balance it in the future. And most important of all, is it only chef’s who die? And if so, who is going to cook now? You get my point.

To move forward, they need a compelling story to keep this community going. And it has to be one that allows the benevolent organizer to still be benevolent or the other answers unravel. Trying to keep all these answers straight eventually starts to feel like a purpose in and of itself. And so, you volunteer to be the tracker of the things not to do so that people don’t keep turning off. You become the holder of the Pasta Story. Or the PaStor for short. A new religion has begun. See how easy that was.

Anyway, my point is that without stories to make meaning out of our collective lives, we fear societal disaster. In fact, the number one challenge in societies all over the world are competing narratives. Actually, it’s always been that way. It doesn’t matter if it is in a neighborhood or a nation, the false belief that one person’s story can negate another person’s story has destroyed almost every structure that has ever existed on the planet and it shows no sign of stopping any time soon. At least not without intervention. And what pray tell is that intervention you ask? Well, I will tell you. The intervention is folks doing INR Work. And what is INR Work? It is Individual Narrative Responsibility.

INR Work Explained

INR, or Individual Narrative Responsibility, is a transformative methodology designed to empower individuals in the critical examination of the narratives shaping their lives. It invites participants to introspectively evaluate whether existing narratives propel them toward their desired self or act as impediments. INR facilitates a structured process wherein individuals discern the influence of these narratives on personal growth. By cultivating a heightened awareness of narrative dynamics, participants can actively engage in reshaping and adopting narratives that align with their aspirations. The ultimate goal is mastery—empowering individuals to craft narratives that catalyze positive personal evolution, fostering a more purposeful and fulfilling life.

In the video above, you saw a little INR at play where I shared a story that is an alternative to what really happened in my parent’s relationship. Although this entrance into INR was unplanned, it functions in the same capacity where we take narrative responsibility by checking in with ourselves on how a story lands with us. As we feel the highs and lows of the story we are telling ourselves, we remain mindful that as the storyteller, we are responsible for every feeling that arises in the telling. If there are elements of the story that we don’t prefer that we would like to shift, we are free to tell a different story–a more empowering story.

Of course, authoring a different story in no way entitles the teller to replace the original story as a total rewrite of history. The function of this device is simply as a check in tool for the teller to be mindful of how their personal narratives are impacting them. For example, in this story below, I tell an alternate romance story between my father and mother. The aim of it is that they fell so in love that they stayed together. The reality is that they divorced. But, by telling the alternate story, I could sense in myself that I still hold some feelings about them not being together and being raised by a single mother. I didn’t change history. I did unlock some emotions chained to my history though. And now, from a place of responsibility, I can redesign elements of my life to fill in the gaps.

Your Narrative is Your Navigation

The stories you tell yourself—about yourself and others—shape both where you’re headed and what you’re leaving behind. They also reveal where you might be stuck. Deep in my soul, I know I am moving toward a world of individual and collective liberation, where every person who desires can live a thriving life—one that learns from history and creates something better, moment by moment, decision by decision. I refuse to run from narrative responsibility; instead, I move toward expanding our imaginative capacities so that we, and those around us, can live more fully.

With every keystroke and every word carried from my heart to yours, I promise this: I will never stop sharing the grace I’ve been given—the grace that answers all four of those core stories with a single, undeniable word.

LOVE.

Note: There is paid content below. However, my intent is to contribute positively to the journey of everyone who finds my Substack. If for some reason paying for a subscription does not work for you, but you would really like to explore the 7-Step Individual Narrative Responsibility (INR) Work Guidance pronounced Inner Work, comment or DM me and I will send it to you by email.

7-Step Individual Narrative Responsibility (INR) Work Guidance

Pronounced: “Inner Work”